Pregnant Again

by Maria on September 26, 2010


This is an original post written by Mama Maria. Thank you for listening to her story.

It’s me, Maria, who posted before about people constantly asking me if I am pregnant.  Since I last posted, the following happened that I can recall:

  1. Met up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while who shared that her sister-in-law is pregnant with #3.  I asked how far along she was and my friend said “About five months.  And how far along are you?”  I said “Zero months.”  She said “Oh, so you just found out?”  I said “No, I’m not pregnant.”  She laughed and said “You’re kidding, right?”  I said “No, I’m not.”  She said “But you were pregnant, right?  I heard you were.”  To spare us both embarrassment, I said “Yeah, I was….”  She said she was sorry for my loss and looked really awkward, and then said “Well, I heard it takes time for your stomach to go down….”

  2. Presented at a community function and was really worried about what to wear.  I bought a new shirt I thought made my belly look normal.  Did the presentation and an older woman I know fairly well asked me when I was due.  I said “oh, I’m not pregnant.”  She said “Then you’ve gained weight – you used to be so small.”

  3. Was at a work-related event and a woman I know (but haven’t seen in a while) who is pregnant with #1 came up to me and said “Oh, last time I saw you, you were pregnant and now you’re pregnant again!  When are you due?”  I gave her a date six months ahead and she said “You really show faster with your second, huh?”

There are definitely more, but those were the most hurtful that sent me to the bathroom in tears.

I Am Pregnant Again

Anyway, the good news is that I just found out I am pregnant again with my second child.  I am thrilled.

I honestly think I am one of those people who had a hard time conceiving while nursing, because I tried for several months while nursing my toddler with no success.  He weaned himself just as he turned 3 and I conceived the next cycle.  I also lost almost 10 lbs in that time almost effortlessly, but unfortunately don’t seem to have lost anything in the stomach area.

The bad news is that I dread people asking if I am pregnant before the second trimester!  I don’t want to tell anyone that I am pregnant before then, but if they ask, what do I say?  I also don’t know what to wear – honestly, maternity clothes would be comfortable right now, but I also don’t want to wear those until the second trimester.

I wonder how I will look pregnant – will my belly get even huger or stay the same?

I’ve heard it’s harder to find a heartbeat or feel movement with a big belly.  Will my doctor get on my case about it?  Will I get to the point that I want people to notice but they all think it’s just the same fat me and say nothing?

Can I keep losing weight while pregnant?  Can I try to gain less?  Will I look even worse after I deliver?  Will I have better luck at losing weight this time?  And I want a third child – will it just keep getting worse?

This should be a joyful time, but I’m angry!

Why does society do this to us?  Why is there so much pressure to look a certain way?  Why is a woman’s reproductive life anyone else’s business at all?  Why am I bearing the shame for other peoples’ rudeness and tactlessness?

Why am I hiding my body instead of celebrating that it’s brought forth the miracle of life?

Maria is finishing up her second year of law school on the Dean’s Honor List and hopes to practice in the area of medical malpractice defense.  She is married and the mother of a beautiful, bright, two-year-old boy.  Prior to law school, she was a professional actress and playwright and she hopes to combine her love of drama with her performances in the courtroom.

Creative Commons License photo credit: acme

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{ 1 comment }

1 Carla Ehrenreich May 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

With my third one I looked about 5 months pregnant the within the first month but then it stayed that way until the third trimester. Still look five months preggy today though!

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