Feeling Really Fat and Ugly and Sad

by Stacey on September 29, 2011

Girl in DespairThis is an original post written by Hanni. Thank you for listening to her story.

I have two boys, one is three years old and another one is one and a half.  They were both quite big babies, both weighing in at almost 4 kg (8.8 pounds). I am quite short (1.62m/5.3 feet) and have a very short upper body, so I carried very large in both my pregnancies, especially with the second one.

People were constantly asking me if I was sure I wasn’t expecting twins.  Also, when I was only about 5 months along, people would ask me when I was due – as if I was going in to hospital the next day.

Now, however, a year and a half after my second boy’s birth, I am constantly asked, or people who barely know me (and some who do) inquire as to whether I’m pregnant again.  Just the other day, in fact, when I was visiting the zoo with my boys, a lady in front of me started talking to me, and through our conversation she just happened to casually ask:

“When’s your baby due?”

I’m not pregnant at the moment, but wanted to spare her the humiliation, so I answer:

“Oh, I’m not very far along yet.”

On hearing this she replied:

“But you’re so big already!”

I was quite exasperated by this answer, but it didn’t really hit me until my husband and I started making love that night.

Then I started feeling really fat and ugly and sad.

Many others have also recently asked or implied they thought I was pregnant again.  I hate this, but know that my tummy does indeed look big enough to think I might be pregnant again.  Am struggling to eat the right things as my boys are not sleeping well and I’m constantly tired.

Sweet things are sometimes the only thing that makes me feel like I’m being nice to myself.

Hanni is a mother of 2 very busy boys. She works a couple of mornings a weeks and struggles to keep her weight off after two pregnancies and two big babies (both delivered by C-section). She has no motivation to exercise and she’s eating all the wrong things though she knows she shouldn’t.

If you can relate to Hanni’s story, reach out and leave a commit below…

Creative Commons License photo credit: Alyssa L. Miller

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1 Christy July 1, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Wow! I could have written that story myself. I know exactly how you’re feeling. I too carried 2 large boys. One was 11 lbs. 12 oz. and one was 11 lbs. 9 oz. and I’m only 5’2. 2 years later I still look pregnant and you would think I would have the motivation to do something about it after being asked “when my little one was due” at least 3 times a week! I hate clothes shopping and just want to stay home in my elastic shorts and comfy t-shirts!

2 Amber July 4, 2010 at 3:12 pm

I totally know how you feel. Me and my kids travel to my home town once a year to watch the fourth of july parade and I always see my old friends. Well my friends hadnt seen me in a year and I had been pregnant then, now this year I had two people ask me if I was trying for a boy this time around. Its thrown me for quite a loop considering I thought I was doing pretty good as far as weight loss goes. BTW I have two lil girls one is 22 months and the other 9 months they were both cesarian. I just feel so horrible about the way I look now and I dont know what to do. So I am also feeling fat ugly and sad :(

3 Tammy July 5, 2010 at 9:00 pm

OMG, I could have written this, and I only had one girl and she was a month early and not big at all. I looked five months pregnant at five seconds pregnant. A year later and I look about five months along still. The troublesome thing is a back problem limits my cardio abilities, I’m only five pounds from the minimum weight for my age and height, and I eat right! I hate genetics and I don’t want to look pregnant anymore! If only I had a spare $8000 for a tummy tuck (ya right). Thanks for making me feel not alone.

4 kathryn September 23, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Hi! You are not olone I am at give birth weight a year and 1/2 later. I also have 2 children. Try to make small strides takes small walks ever little bit helps. I find myself so tired also, its time to add US back into the daily mix!!!! We can do it!!!!!!!

5 Row October 11, 2010 at 9:19 am

Get a tummy tuck and shove the flat tumy in ther head there a mean nosy people very where , trust me tummy tuck is the answerxxxxxxxxx

6 Venesha February 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I used to train hard and had a shadow six pack, now I have a barrel for a tummy after giving birth to my 2 sons 8lb 4oz and 8lb 2oz within 18 months of each other. I don’t think my body will even be the same :( I keep telling myself that I am luck because I have two lovely sons…… But I still feel misshaped and like I am living inside someone else’s body.

7 charity February 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm

wow i thought i was the only one who going thru this. had my lil girl a month early (emergency c-sec). and my lil girl is gonna be 2 in sept. I aalso have a 4yr old, but i lost alot of that preg weight. But my 2nd one, i was at cavernders other day, found this cute shirt, so i went to dressing rooms, o m g, tried it on, made me look more pregnant than i was with the shirt i came in with. mostly i wear dark t-shirts to cover up the preg fat. AND also i cant have anymore kids.
its very discouraging and depressing, almost 2yrs and still look pregnant.
but anyways u arent alone , im tryin zumba, its fun, my kids try to do the zumba with me also…try that!! good luck ladies and to myself

8 Kari March 9, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Oh my gosh! I know exactly what you are all going through. I have two boy who are 3 1/2 and 13 months. They were both delivered by c-section. I have been asked numerous times if I’m having another boy or told good for you to be working out while pregnant. My dental hygienist got all excited for me today thinking that I’m pregnant again. I work out all the time and eat good. I weigh less now than in high school. I am really skinny every where else but my belly. It stinks when your belly sticks out more than your boobs. I hate feeling like I have to suck my belly in all the time. We just have to remember we are not alone and things could be worse.

9 Jacqueline March 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Thank You! My husband thinks I’m eating junk food all the time… I had two big babies for my size too. They are 13 months apart. After a year and a half of my second one I look about 3-4 months pregnant. I’ve been eating healthy and exercising regularly now for the past year. I also exercised all through my first pregnancy and in btw pregnancies. Tired of being told I still looked pregnant I got a personal trainer for the last two months, 3X/wk. I feel in good shape, felt good till a friend told me today that I’d better start doing some sit-ups because from the look of my belly he might still think I’m pregnant. Have amazing legs, good upper body, but that belly just go away. I feel…mmm sad.
Thanks for all your postings.

10 kayla April 16, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I only have one child a little girl in 05 it has been 5 and a half years and i am still asked all the time if im pregnant i do my best to eat right and work out at least 3 times a week plus a 40 hr a week job but nothing ever happens i have lost weight in other parts of my body but never and inch in my tummy since she was born.. i feel your pain

11 Carla Ehrenreich May 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Me three. It’s been 2.5 years since the last baby of three and I was working hard at eating right and my stomach just seems to be bigger. Lately the pants I had gotten to fit again are feeling really tight as I haven’t been so good with the food this last month. But I have lost my motivation. I thought if I dieted and lost weight. Lately I’ve been reading about how it is the traverse abdominal muscle I need to strengthen and how crunches can actually make the baby belly worse. I keep trying to accept it but it’s not working. I hate it.

12 Mary August 3, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I have twins that are now 14! I was in great shape prior to the twins, I even drove a UPS truck for years…. however now I get asked about once a month when is my baby due. I tend to blast back at them and say 14yrs ago and then we both feel bad… Then I go cry for a while I see that eveyone is dealing with the same thing, but it would be nice if someone had a REAL suggestion for us to get our bodies back seeing how once you split your stomach muscles too far they will not shrink back and I cannot afford the tummy tuck…. I hate my body!

13 Samantha November 28, 2011 at 4:10 am

I was googling to find someone with the same problem and I found this! Thanks. It’s been three years since I gave birth to my son 8lbs. Before pregnancy I was fit and in good health. During pregnancy people kept asking if I’m having twins, and was scared I would deliver right on the spot whever I was because I looked so big, I carried him low. I had to have an emergency c-section because he couldn’t come out, I’m only 5’2″.

To date I still look like I’m at least 5 months pregnant. I’ve exercised, ate right, lost all the weight and came back to pre-pregnancy weight, I even looked slimmer than before I was pregnant, but there was the belly still there, smaller than before, but still big, I still looked pregnant. I went to see a doctor about liposuction, his advice was that I needed a tummy tuck, but suggested I wait until after I’m done giving birth. I’m not quite ready for another child yet, so I have to wait and live with this big belly until such time.

14 Melissa December 2, 2011 at 4:02 pm

THANK YOU ALL! I can’t believe I found this when I googled “I still look pregnant.” I am sad because today marked four people asking when I’m due in the last two weeks! My kids weren’t even big babies (7.7 and 7.0). I have a 5 year old and a 20 month old. I’m not sad because people think I look pregnant, I’m sad because I do look pregnant! I’m 5’5 I weigh 129 and I seriously look five months pregnant. So obviously it is the two c-sections…. does anyone know any fitness experts we could ask about this specifically? I can’t afford a tummy tuck.

15 Sarah January 22, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I have 3 kids in 5 years. I am 9 month spp and i still get asked daily when the next one is due. Or people who cant tell ask if we are trying for more. It makes me very upset. I know my muscles havnt fused back together. The more i work out and lose weight in other areas the more prego i look. Isnt a bitch that when we are just prego we hope people think we are prego and just after we want to hide in a hole. : ( I am right here with ya ladies!

16 kellyann January 28, 2012 at 1:28 am

Hi. I went to the dr 3 days ago and they weighed me. I have two kids 5 and 3 . I am always asked if I am pregnant. I was 135 lbs and I’m 5″7. Now I am 206. I can’t get the weight off. I never had to diet or work out. I have no energy or motivation. I know how you feel. It hurts when people say that. But don’t put mor then 1200 calories in you body a day. I just started 3 days ago. Come on let’s do it. Xxxoo

17 Kris March 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I feel the same way. I also had a pretty big baby (8 lbs 2 oz) and I loved my body when I was pregnant. I felt like I had a reason for being big. Now that my son is 5 months old, my father-in-law asked my husband if I was pregnant again. To my amazment, he decided to share this information with me. I had already been feeling self-concious because I have caught my husband looking at other women and found out that he recently went to a strip club. All of this is making me feel really low about myself, like I am not good enough for him any more. He tells me I’m fine the way I am but then his actions make me think other wise. I don’t have time to excercise because I am a stay at home mother and a full time student so it is very hard to get a few minutes to myself.

18 Jillian March 28, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I am 5 ‘3, normal weight for me is about 125-130. I reached 193 and 205 with my pregnancies. Both were very large babies. Our son is now 9 months and I still look to be about 5 months. I have no energy, due to no sleep, no motivation, can’t eat healthy,am hungry all the time from nursing, and am a full time student. It’s hard to feel good when you feel you look so crappy.I’m sad too…. I try to say I have 2 beautiful children in return but I amnot any good to them feeling depressed and sad ALL the time. I would get a tummy tuck in a minute! If we had the money. Mu husband is supportive and says he loves me and I am beautiful and that is great BUT I feel terrible. I feel for all of you and I wish there was a solution. I wish I had more sleep to have the energy to exercise and eat better. Hugs to all of you!!

19 Lynn August 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Hello everyone i have little boy who is going to be 2 in September and i also get people asking me how far off are you in the pregnancies and i tell them i am not i am just fat and they like oh but you look like you do any day now so i don’t know what to do to loose this weight my cousin who had a boy a year after mines lasted all her baby weight but she can afford to go to the gym 4 to 5 times a day i cant do that cause money have to go to rent food new clothes help my mom and step dad out and have no car to get around is hard to do and we have to bus it every were so if anyone have any advice please tell me cause it getting annoying being told when you due

20 Lynn August 4, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Hello everyone i have little boy who is going to be 2 in September and i also get people asking me how far off are you in the pregnancies and i tell them i am not i am just fat and they like oh but you look like you do any day now so i don’t know what to do to loose this weight my cousin who had a baby girl a year after mines lasted all her baby weight but she can afford to go to the gym 4 to 5 times a day i cant do that cause money have to go to rent food new clothes help my mom and step dad out and have no car to get around is hard to do and we have to bus it every were so if anyone have any advice please tell me cause it getting annoying being told when you due

21 Betty August 8, 2012 at 1:46 am

Today, I went to my dr. and as I was getting out of the car with my 21 month old daughter in my arms, I tripped over the sidewalk. I fell right on my butt. My daughter was fine. She just smiled at me and thought we were playing. A woman who was parked in her car talking on her cell rolled down her window and asked if I was o.k. I told her I was fine. My butt broke my fall. Then she asked me if I was pregnant. I told her no. I walked up to the door of the dr. office and saw my reflection in the window. There it was, my big belly. I can see why she would ask me if I was pregnant. I went home feeling like poop. And here I thought I was looking pretty good since I started to eat right and not snack late at night, and try to workout any little chance I get. So far, I have lost 8 lbs. and it hasn’t been easy. THE BELLY is still there. Now I feel like I have done nothing.

OH, and going from bad to worse, I saw my ex-fiance from years back at a store with his super sexy, super skinny wife. She has had 3 kids and the only thing that pregnancy left her were big boobs! They did not see me thank goodness.

22 Dominique August 17, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I know exactly how you are feeling. I got 3 children they all was small babies. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me. So don’t feel alone because all this every single day.

23 Sara November 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Hi all. I have 3 kids and have looked 5 months pregnant since birthing the first. Finally after the last child I found out about the problem. It’s not fat, it is called diastisis recti, and the enlarged belly is caused by the muscles tearing apart and not going back together like they do with most women. Though many say that a tummy tuck is the only answer, I found out about a technique that helps to bring the muscles back together and heal. It involves special exercises and wearing a splint. If yours is very bad like mine is then it will take time and patience, but if you do the prescribed program you will see some results right away. Check it out at the website http://diastasisrehab.com/.

Hope this helps.

24 JB January 3, 2013 at 6:48 am

In the same boat! My son turned 2…last year I miscarried and put on weight because of being depressed. Lost some, then gained it pretty much all back over the holidays…I’m pretty fed up. I try working out and feel better, but the weight seems to take forever to come off. Seems the only way I’m going to get rid of the weight is to not eat and work out, which is unrealistic. Hoping we can all either learn to be happy with who we are OR find a way to get to a more comfortable weight. Still searching for the best way. All the best to you other Mommies dealing with this same struggle.

25 Kristen March 1, 2013 at 10:22 pm

It is so interesting to read these stories. Don’t you get so annoyed with people telling you that abdominal exercises will do the job? I tell them……”try having a couple of 10 pounders who tore your abs apart and see if you can do crunches…they only make it worse.” I was a skinny ballerina for many years in my younger days with a washboard stomach, worked out in my 20’s and weighed about 125 at 5’8″ when I got pregnant with my first daughter at 26. Baby number two came when I was 29 and that was it. My stomach NEVER changed since then! I am now 38, weigh about 150, with thin legs, no hips, no behind, huge boobs and a HUGE stomach that makes me look 5 months along. It’s embarrasing and very difficult to find clothes to go around this. I do not exercise regularly, however, when I do get on a roll, nothing changes. I have been a vegetarian for almost 30 years and eat pretty well. (Very little junk food, if any). I have had very little help from doctors. I have discussed a tummy tuck with my husband but I feel that it will only help a bit. I am bloated at least 2 out of 7 days a week and have painful gas and stomach cramps. Not fun! I feel oddly shaped. Thanks for making me feel not alone!

26 Debo June 5, 2013 at 5:23 pm

How cruel an horrible some people can be. After I had my second baby I struggled to lose my baby belly. 2 years later I still look pregnant. I have had random people ask me when I’m due. Just shows how some people can b ignorant. I would never think ov asking someone that question. It hurts you to da core. For long enough I’ve ate to make myself feel better but def not da best thing to do. Recently I’ve started doing tummy exercises to try change because I’m so unhappy with life at the minute. I don’t go out very often incase I’m asked stupid pregnant questions. So positive mental attitude for me. Sod all u rude people out there

27 Tara July 22, 2013 at 5:55 pm

4 boys here. feel the same way. It sucks.

28 Christi January 9, 2014 at 9:20 pm

I have 2 kids. My girl is 6 now and my son is 3.5 years old. Both were big. My youngest weighed in at 10lbs 11oz when he was born. I’m 5’7″and my pre pregnancy weight was 155 lbs. Now I can’t get out if the 202 lb mark and my belly looks the same as when I was 8 months pregnant with my son. I hate clothes shopping for myself and dressing up. I am so depressed and I cry a lot. I used to be a size 8/10 and now I’m a size 16/18. No matter what I do, I can’t lose weight so I just get very down. I hate when strangers try to touch my belly and ask when I’m due. I just want to die sometimes. This year I hope to find a solution that works so that I can shed this weight and find my old happy and healthy self.

29 maryann July 18, 2014 at 7:09 am

I feel exactly the same. ..my story almost the same. …I feel ugly. ..

30 Reese September 15, 2014 at 5:15 am

I feel fat & ugly too! I gave birth to my second set of twin boys 8 months ago and I still look like I’m 6 months pregnant. I can’t find a dress or I should say I don’t fit into regular dresses. This weekend my cousin is getting married and I think I have to look at pregnancy dresses so I can find something decent looking to wear to the wedding. :'(

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